Posted by
Grampus on Sunday, September 17, 2006 7:40:17 PM
A Real Life Scenario:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
As Liberals See It:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
CNN shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The next day, the New York Times, San Francisco Examiner, Houston Chronicle, Atlanta Urinal & Constipation and other liberal newspapers inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Democratic Party, Greenpeace, PETA and The Grasshopper Council of America holds a demonstration in front of the squirrel's house.
CNN, interrupting a cultural festival special from the JFK Center with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Larry King rants in an interview with Senator Clinton and video feeds from Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Howard Dean that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and calls for legislation that would require squirrels to pay taxes for all the nuts collected above the poverty level.
In response to pressure from the media, Congress drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided a government assistance grant for housing, additional financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and redistributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authorities takes over his old home and utilizes it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to America as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of American’s apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offense of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them Fancy Feast cat food instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people’s credit cards.
A CNN special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though Spring is still months away, while the house he is in crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the courts for their treatment since arrival in the U.S. The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drug habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A Congressional Hearing, that will eventually cost $15,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching America’s multicultural diversity and dogs are criticized by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million dollars each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United States.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END - You know it makes sense!
The moral of the story: It does not matter how hard you work in a socialist
environment, come winter, you will always lose your nuts!
Grampus